Unspoken Words
by TwilightKitsune1
Summary: it's a SiriusJames, SiriusRemus oneshot that has a summary inside. Hope you guys like it! R&R!


**Summary:** Sirius made a dessicion a long time ago. he wanted to tell him but he couldn't. It would have risked every thing. His friendship and his love's happiness... So he stayed quiet. He watched on the sidelines and just made sure that he was happy. That was all he wanted. not his happiness, but James's happiness. In the end, he stayed quiet and he was happy... but also suffered a life he would never wish on his worst enemy.

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Harry Potter. I am making NO profit from this. I am only writting this for pure enjoyment and to get it out of my head... So yeah, don't sue me okay!

**Warrings: **It is a Sirius/James and a Sirius/Remus. If you do not like two men being together in anyway, shap, or form, then please stop reading cause I don't want to deal with you yelling at me cause of it. There will be cursing and nudity but it is rare to not get that in my writings. Also Self-gradification(masterbating if you don't know what self-gradification means)

...You have been warned...

**A/N: **I've been working on a Kingdom Hearts fanfic and I realized that there are one-shots in my head getting in the way. So like any sane person I decided to write them and hope they get out of my head... here's hopeing it works...

_**Unspoken Words  
**By: TwilightKitsune1_

_rated: T_

_Angst/Drama_

I never thought that watching you would hurt so much. Though I'm sure that you and Remus would say I never thought ahead. That because I have so many girls throwing themselves at me that I never felt lonely... If that's true thought then you are the one's that never think... At least not about me. You only see me as the trublemaker, James' sidkick in crime, his best friend... not the me that is real. Not the me that actually bleeds... but that doesn't matter, not like I didn't grow up with this.

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It was night out, a full moon hanging high in the sky and stars blinking around it as if dancing. Beautiful... There were owls out hunting, you couldn't see them but the whoot's could be heard in the castle. There was a shrill howl that filled the night, those that heard it would be chilled with fright. It emenated from the shreking shake. If the rumors were true then it was a polterguist. People were safe if they never went into the building, so everyone avoided it.

It was late into the night and it was obvious that the students were supposed to be asleep. However, there were two students, hidden in a room no one knew about except for them. They were taking advantage of this fact.

The only light in the room were the candles situated around the room hanging on the walls. It seemed as if they were in holders that origenally held tourches instead of the candles. The decore was a simple layout with a bed opposite the door, a couch that seemed leather black and only able to hold two people in front of a fire place, a table next to the fire place close to the bed and brick walls that had red silk drapped on them. A romantic setting, and the two in the room seemed to be using it as such.

The light from the candles shimered on their sweat, a thin layer on both of them, making the two glow. The slid against one another in a frantic motion, as they were obviously nearing release. All that filled the room were grunts and moans from the ocupent's and an occasinal whimper.

"I...I c-can't...oh god, SIRIUS!" said the man who was being driven down, His release happening and covering the bed that they were using. His body stiffening and shaking from his release but he continued for his partner.

"J-James! w-wait...wait for me... oh fuck" Siruis said as he ramed James down one last time then released himself, his seed filling James making him moan. Then he collapsed on top of James

Both panting, out of breath, Sirus rolled off of James who had come an instant before Sirius. "I..I think we'll need a bath... before visiting Lupin..." Sirius said, catching his breath, then looking at the flushed James who was also evening out his breathing. "You want to go again?"

"..." James didn't say anything, just looked at the pillow, his thoughts somewhere else. The emotion in his eyes seemed like jelousy, but disappered far to quickly to actually be sure. He pushed his top half up. "... I-I think I love Lilly"

Sirius didn't reply except fully sitting up, puting his feet on the floor, and messing with his hair. "Well I'm glad you found someone." His voice gruff, his anger being held down.

Fully sitting up and crossing his legs he looked at Sirius. "I'm sorry...This wouldn't last though, you know it. I mean we sneek around just for this, and in public we can only act like friends... Your the one who said that you just wanted a shag and to stay friends... If your going to--"

"To what?" Sirus asked standing up and turning around.

The lights traced his form putting shadows in all the right places. James couldn't help himself, he wanted to touch him, to let him claim his body so no one else could use it. He'd once asked Sirius to do that, when they started, but Sirius had refused him and said that this is only for their release. Nothing more.

Sirius must have been a God put in human form and placed on earth just to taunt him. James' hand gently traced his thigh, his fingers barly touching him. He felt like If he touched him now, his beauty, his radiance, would fade.

Sirius backed out of James' reach, snaping him out of his trance. The hand hung limply in the air for on more second before defly dropping to his side. "Sirius, I want to stay with you...but you know this isn't accepted out there. I'm sorry... Please don't leave my side though Sirius, it's not like we can't slip away from who ever I'm with."

"Do you love her?" Sirius said, his mind pleading with James to so no.

"...It's weird...I think I have fallen in love with her."

Sirius' heart felt like it shatted but his brilliant smile decieved James perfictly. "Well I really am glad you found someone mate." His hand outstreached. "You know I'll stay by your side and watch your back cause I don't trust anyone else to do that but me." He laughed jokingly and James joined him in that laughter.

They went to bathe after the conversation and went out in search of Peter who was probably masterbating in the bathroom. It really desterbed both James and Sirius because they had walked in once when he was almost done and was moaning out their name's. They had quickly left and when they enetered again they said his name outloud so he would shut-up and quickly stop.

He'd always use the excuse of having to use the bathroom, or it's an easy place to hide while they finished what they were doing. They both told Peter that they had to meet up with a girl and do "business" whenever they wanted to be alone together. That was probably why he looked up to them and masterbated imagening them of all people.

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Through the years James grew closer and closer to Lilly and the late meetings with Sirius became less and less. When they found out Lilly had become pregnent those few meeting's they did have stopped all together. After a while Sirius only watched as James would fret over Lilly and hardly leave her side. Sirius knew he had lost James to the woman, he knew he had lost James as his lover, but he would not lose James as a friend. He knew Lilly was a good person, that she trully loved James, but he would always recent her for taking him away. He would always recent himself for being stupid and even starting the whole thing they once had.

As James' love for Lilly grew, the mask Sirius wore became harder and harder to see through due to the years of practice he had. No one could see through it unless you had watched him through the years... which Remus had, and knew very well that Sirius was suffering.

As Lilly was giving birth to James's child, Remus finally spoke up. Taking Sirius to an empty hospital room he told him about how much he loved him, about how he always knew that there was something between him and James, and that he knew he was suffering and feeling replaced.

"...how did you...?" Sirius asked, disbelief in his voice.

"I watched... I watched those casual touches that had a hidden meaning, those whispers that you'd do in the hall with a mischievious look on your faces, and I noticed the slight problems James had sitting down for a while. Plus, no amount of washing can take away every trace of sex on the body. I also saw the pain in your eyes, pain I know quiet well. And through the years I didn't see it go away I saw it covered up. When you thought no one was looking the mask went away. Just so you know, I've always been watching...I...I have fallen for you Serius." the last words left Remus's mouth and a blush came to his cheeks.

Sirius was amazed at his confession. Remus... his friend Remus. The only one who watched him, who saw him, who never replaced him... "How long have you...?" Sirius asked truly curious.

"The moment I saw you I've wanted to be more then just friends." Remus said, calmly, confidently.

As Sirius thought back he now became curious again. "Is that why you've never dated anyone?"

"Why do you think I've not dated anyone! I haven't because if I did and suddenly you wanted to be with me... it was a long shot but I just didn't want to risk it." Lupin admitted, his eyes begining to shine.

"I just figured you thought it was to dangerous or something." Sirius admitted casually. His eyes returning to Remus'. "You've waited this long just to tell me and the hope for the best? What if I say your messed up and don't return your feelings?"

"I would take that as an answer and leave your life because I'm not as strong as you are. I could not live with just being friends." Remus answered his voice wavering in fear of rejection.

With out another word Sirius bent down, capturing Remus' lips with his in a chaste kiss. Remus' hands slowly lifted from his sides and clung to the back of Sirius' clothes. As Sirius' hands lifted, one resting at the small of Remus' back and gently pulling him closer, the other playing in his hair, Serius brushed his tonuge across Remus' bottom lip, silently asking for acceptance. It was quickly granted.

Sirius' hand that laid on Remus' back dropped down farther and stopped right on Remus' butt. A slight squeeze and Sirius pulled away. "I'm glad that your here...because I think I've fallen for you too... but I don't know when I did..."

Remus' eye's were shining brighter and a tear at last escaped it's prison. "...I'm glad too... I really am glad that you'll actually be with me."

"Can you accept it though. How the world will brand us?" Sirius asked, remembering his words with James some years ago.

"Does it matter for one whose already branded for being a wearwolf? To be even more different then the accepted standard doesn't bother me in the least." Remus replied, his voice strong.

Sirius smiled a real smile in what seemed like years. He had always cared for Remus, and not in the friend way, but since he loved James had never thought about it before. Yet now, as he held him in his arms, he realised that they fit together even more so then he and James did. The kiss was to see if there was passion, and it was on fire now...It was a fire that they both wanted to grow, and they'd help it.

Sirius picked Remus up gently and glided to the only bed in the room. He hesitated for a moment and just looked at Remus. He traced his hand lightly, barly touching him for fear he'd break, on his cheek, down his jaw line and then his fingers traced his lips. "Are you sure?" Sirius whispered

"More so then anything." Remus answered.

With that as an answer Sirius placed himself ontop of Remus and began to make Remus his new lover, oh so gently. He wanted to know this body, to make it his own. To clam it so no one else could have it.

Both so caught up in the moment of finally being happy they didn't hear the door silently click closed. they didn't hear a body silently land on the wall as if the could not stand, or the rustle of someone slowly sliding to the floor. They were oblivious to the world around them. All that mattered were in the room being lost in the world that lovers go.

James now knew that what he and Sirius had was over, and it would never come back. He was married, and even though he is unfaithful to his wife, Sirius would never betray his lover, for anyone or anything. The funny thing...He knew since they were in school that they'd get together, but he didn't think it'd hurt this much. A lone tear escaped his eyes, but he knew he brought this pain, this misery, on himself. A long time ago he could have chosen a different path and been with Sirius, but his bed was made and he'll sleep in it without thinking he did wrong.

He stood up and walked back to his wife and new born baby boy. His thought's on Sirius, his passion for life, for adventure, for everything on the earth. All James could hope is that the boy be like Sirius in that manner, and not be affraid to love who he love's just because of people around him. He was going to encourage the boy with what ever he has a passion for, that James swore.

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A nightmare... It was like a nightmare, only worse, it was real. What happened is real, the dead body of his former lover lay dead in ruble that was once his and his wifes warm house. _How, how did this happen?... a betraile, a lier, a backstabber... Peter did this. No he didn't do this, but he is one reason, the other is Voldemort. I'll kill him, I'll kill them, I'll make them--_

Sirius' thought's interupted by the cries of a baby. _Harry? Alive!_ he thought as he rushed to the infants crying. There laying in a blanket was Sirius' god-son, there was little Harry. He looked perfictly healthy except for the lightning shaped scare on his head. _but how can a baby?_ He thought carefully picking the baby up. As he was turning to go bake to his bike he came on to the left overs of a happy home, he noticed Lilly's dead body lieing in the ruble much like her husband. However, She was positioned in front of the child. Sirius must've walked around her when he went to Harry's side.

A ghost of a smile touched his lips as he loked at her dead body, then the tears came. He knew then that she had given her life to protect Harry from Voldimort's attack. She was a true mother in his eye's. As he returned to his bike he lost the ability to stand properly and fell to his knees, clutching the crying child like it was his last hope. His body shock and he didn't even hold in his howls of pain, of sorrow, tears fell endlessly down his checks.

As his howls began to subside he just sat there with the once crying child who was now silent and had a hand on Sirius' cheek. "So your trying to cheer me up little Harry?... You have a big heart, much like your parents." Sirius said to the child who smiled, giggled, and kicked his legs.

As Sirius smiled at the boy he heard someone apperate in. In an instant the child was behind Sirius and his wand pointed straight at the intruder. "Hagrid!..." Sirius said relieved then looked to the ruble.

"Sirius, what happened? Where's James, Lilly, and the little Harry?" Hagrid asked, then noticed Sirius' blood shot eye's. "...What happened? Dumbledore sent me to get--" he cut off mid sentence as he looked at the ruble that was once a warm home.

A howl escapped his lips and then he ran into the ruble crying at the sight of both James and Lilly's dead bodies. Sirius sat listening to the crying Hagrid and watched the baby as he kicked and laughed. There was an occasional cry from the child everytime Hagrid howled. A smil on Sirius' face as he watched the child. He'd raise him with Remus, tell him every day how his father bravly fought against Voldemort, how his mother selflessly gave her life for him, how they were strong, loving people, and how much they loved him.

Lost in his thoughts he didn't noticed Hagrid's cries turn to sniffs, or his loud footsteps as he walked toward him. He only felt his hand on his shoulder. "Come on Sirius, they wouldn't want us to be like this... I've got to get the baby to Dumbledor as quickly as possible."

"Why Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I should take care of him. It's my right to care for him."

"True but Dumbledor told me to be getting him, so getting him I'm gonna do." Hagrid replied. "You got to trust what Dumbledor's doing or else we're lost."

A moment passed as Sirius clung the now crying baby. It was as if he knew he was being taken away. Giving in to Hagrid's reasoning He gently gave him the baby. "Take my bike Hagrid, I want to make sure he stay's safe and I trust the bike...I won't need it."

"Ye'h sure?" Hagrid asked.

"I can apperate Hagrid, your not allowed to." Sirius said, quickly making it seem as though he wasn't going to seek revenge. He couldn't be stopped, not yet.

"True... alright then. Take care Sirius."

Sirius only nodded, no longer able to trust his mouth, his voice. Hagrid got onto the bike and rode off, the child Harry safely tucked under Hagrid's arms. With a last smile at the now fading figures Sirius apperated. The last thought that went through his head before it turned to completly to revenge,

_I'm sorry Remus... Please forgive me, but I still loved him. Let me give him one last gift._

**--------THE END--------**

**A/N: **...it didn't work...DAMNIT!...and it kinda reminds me of Brokeback Mountain((sp))...lol.

...Do not ask me where this came from cause I have no clue... Funny thing I was going for something completly differentbut but hey, this works. It jumped around a lot, I know, but I didn't want this one shot to last forever so I gave a breif before James meet Lilly and why Sirius and he always hung out together, and an after James and Lilly got together. Plus as an extra bit of after James and Lilly died. I didn't even think I'd put it in. I didn't really like it cause it was taking me so long to write but I was amazed with what came out.

I REALLY wanted to go into detail when we hit the sex sences but I wanted to keep this a rated: **T** fic so I didn't... but I REALLY wanted to...

It's almost 5 A.M. while I'm writting this and unfortunitly my computer doesn't have a spell check (can't live with out spell check)! So if you see any Typo's please disregard them as exahtion mistakes and stupid mistakes I didn't catch...

SOOOOOOO what do you guy's think? I personally think it could have been better but every writter says that about their writings don't they? I mean, this story just seems to be jumping around to much for my taste... Well I hope you guys review and tell me good or crap (could have been better w/e you people say) and constructive stuff is a must. -

... sigh flames are alright too... not nice and just used to keep me warm, but if you think you just _have_ to flame me then that's fine. your peragative.


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